i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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