If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
