the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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