He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
