I didn't shave. On purpose
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
