When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
