If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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