My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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