oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
