I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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