They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize