So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
