happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
