If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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