I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
