My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
