Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
