i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
