Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
