Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
