So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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