tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
