I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
