Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
