It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
