Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
