My hair reeks of homosexuality.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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