he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
