the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
