Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
