He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
