Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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