i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
