I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize