I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
