i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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