she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
