trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I will pee on everything he values.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
