there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
