nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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