Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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