i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
