I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
