Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Too much gin, very little bucket
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
