so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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