My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
