Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize