There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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