On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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