it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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