i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
