Im at strip club and am horny
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
