How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
