I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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