Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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