If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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