We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
