You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I could fuck to npr.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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