Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
