Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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