fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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