heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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