eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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