I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
