He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
