And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
