did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize